...

The evening had been hot.  Lying in bed, tummy side up, she could barely roll over to her sides to lessen the tension building up on her backbones.  The ceiling fan, bought cheap from a wayside store, had been uncooperative.  Dangling a couple of inches away from her mosquito net.  It had started to whine, then to sputter, then finally stopped whirling altogether.  With nothing else to keep her cool save a native hand fan, she lay in darkness drowsily fanning herself to keep from dripping with sweat.  Hungry mosquitoes buzz angrily from outside the net.  She was thankful she didn't have to worry about stinging mosquito bites.  She was well protected.  From outside, the moon casts an eerie to her bedroom window.  The soft evening breeze connived with a cherry tree to produce sinister scratching sounds as its branches swiped the vinyl rooftop.  Every now and then, she'd strain her ears to catch tiny scuffling feet on the floor or the soft treading of cat paws on the rooftop.  Suddenly, she sucks in air.  And moaning softly, she lets it out slowly.  Her ribs are sore.  Her hips too strained.  Her feet swollen.  Gently, she pats her tummy.  The baby responds by relaxing and settling down.  Her stomach however, growls in complaint.  Pang so f hunger gnaw at her sides.

Outlines

The day had started out gray with a slight drizzle. The winds seeping through every crevice it could find,the garden still damp from the onslaught that was the night before. Everywhere was the smell of decaying leaves and dampened spirits. They were planning to go to the beach that morning just before they went on home. Just before they might go their separate ways after. There wasn't much to see, that was sure of though. The sea held an unfriendly sight: the sand a dark beige color, the sea a rolling foam of blue green. There must be something enchanting about walking the sand bare feet. Trailing footsteps must be something romantic. Of course, that would be if you were walking with your better other half.


It felt different today. A tingling glow was passing through two people who had not declared anything, yet were still public with how they felt for each other. Perhaps in time when they've waited long enough. When they've made certain what they really felt for each other. For now, they were enjoying the scenic views.


The firm grasp of his hand was comforting. It made her feel warm all over despite the coolness of the surroundings. Their smile was enclosing them in a bubble that no one else tried to invade. It was their own bubble, warm and comforting for both of them. He was closing his eyes, trying to catch his forty winks and she was looking him over. High-bridged nose, thin, heart-shaped lips, and a distinctive forehead. She didn't need to see his eyes to know that they were deep set and penetrating. She'd seen them before and they always managed to make her knees go jelly every time they'd hold each other's gaze. Seeing him now with eyes closed made her free to explore the outlines of his face. She was memorizing them. There was a nagging feeling that she will only be remembering those outlines remotely. There was that nagging feeling that she was losing him. But somehow engraving each detail in her mind, she was keeping a part of him with her even after he'd left.  Like she was engraving the details of the scenic views. With a sinking feeling, she looks away beyond those mountains.

drizzle..

the night had deepened
as we walk along
these asphalted roads
slowly drenched with drizzle
the walk had seemed slow
the road too long
your smile warmed me
amidst the coolness of the night
the soft pressure of your grasp
warm and comforting
i wonder...
how so soon i have reached
the end of this road
shivering and drenched
when wrapped in my overcoat
hands kept in my pockets
i walk alone..

isn't it?..

sometimes it is..
but one has to put up with it..
it's the only way to cope..
to cope and to steel oneself..
and then go numb..
isn't that a nice thought..
fire and ice..
will it break?..
eventually it will..
so wait..
wait for it to come..
wait and lie still..
feel deeply..
only in time..

Walking Away

How does one walk away..
How does one forget..
Walk away and forget..
Be numb..
Don’t look back..
There’s nothing to go back anyway..
Nothing to look forward to either..
Just stay stranded..
To survive..
To keep afloat..
Don’t tilt your head..
You are a pitcher full of fresh water tasting tears..
Press your palms close to your chest..
It will lessen the pain..
Turn your head around..
All around death abounds..
No promises of yesterday for remembering..
No vows to look forward to..
Just deathly silence..
Bear with it..
Wait..
Keep waiting..
That’s all you can do..
A hollow soul..
Behind that sunshiny smile.

FEBRUARY

They start appearing from every shop window. A display of heart-shaped souvenirs in varying shades of red. The deejay announces the annual loovah palooza up and accepting couples ready for the major kissing event to be televised nationwide. Smooching couples start to dot the streets rehearsing for the said occasion. Love is indeed in the air. For couples.

Thinking about romantic love seems to blatantly state off limits for the singles. Off limits from the red-cordoned area. That is unless one can find a partner to support the major cause.

All in the spirit of the love season. Happy single awareness day, you say under your breath and hurry on.

SINGLE PARENTING

Is being a single parent the trend nowadays? Is better to be off without a partner in raising kids, earning a living to pay the bills? Do single parents earn the same respect and dignity married couples receive? What are some of the sacrifices single parents have to go through in order to earn their places in society?


A lot of people wonder just how single parents manage their jobs and their lives with their kids in a society strictly raised on stereotypes. Go strolling in malls on a typical Sunday-after-mass days and see husbands and wives happily trailing behind their Brady bunch. Mommy and her girls head over to the boutique to look for a nice pair of shoes or a new dress. While daddy and his boys hit the sports shop. At lunch, they would be seated at a dining table in one of the fast food chains excitedly nosing through the menu. Mommy tries to take control over a few squabbles while Daddy digs in his pocket for his wallet. The typical Filipino family. Now, try to look more closely at a few people walking around malls with a trailing toddler behind or a baby snuggled comfortably in their arms. They walk with a preoccupied look on their faces. They either have that blank look or worried frown. Rarely would you see them smiling. They are walking these malls because it is their day's off from work and they could take baby out for a stroll while they do grocery and brainstorming over how much money needs budgeting for the bills at home and how much left for allowance going to work. Talk about multitasking They look worried although they are quite used to juggling work, home, and finances. Sometimes, though, they would look around all these families milling about and wonder how it feels to have a partner share the burdens they have to face with everyday. Single parenthood can be a daunting experience.


It was never the case before having the babies. These individuals always started with a partner who swore to take care of them for the rest of their lives. Or maybe not. It could have been a one night stand and all of a sudden the girl is pregnant. The girls cry, the boys worry, blames are exchanged. All the same, they never expected it would end this way. However, after a grueling period of uncertainty, the babies are born and there is nothing left to do but to cope. They look for jobs, they move together under one roof, they try to make ends meet and be good parents. It works for a while until they get into petty fights over how things had to be done. It goes deeper as they start lashing out at each other's fault After a trial period of adjustment, they finally give up. They agree on a settlement which is the usual girl takes the baby and boy promises support. After a while it works that way and after a couple more times each of them finds himself on his own.


Years ago, single parents would have already nosedived into marriage just to save face and regain dignity for their parents, their children, and themselves. If not, they would have immediately flown away to some distant country for the richer ones, supposedly to enroll in some glorifying course. Still others would have already disowned their own children, passing them off to some relative and claiming them to be a cousin or something like it. Nowadays, it wouldn't matter if it were a fifth child and your friendster status would still be “it's complicated”. People have evolved around the notion that as long as you are able to stand for yourself and for your children you're good to go.


The call center industry has been a hub for sleep-deprived, coffee-overdosed, cigarette smoke-belching, nocturnal agents who work at night and wonder aimlessly during the day wearing sunglasses designed for the blind. That said, it is also currently a hub for single parents who have developed a productive habit of holding two jobs at the same time in addition to whatever sideline businesses they could squeeze in to their already tight schedules. They go about night and day all hyped up like a worker bee. Their caffeine levels zooming in to nitro scales. Their sunny disposition in life never clouded with doubts. Their ability to adapt to changing situations have equipped them to overcome unbelievable obstacles helping them become a better person.

While most of the people think being a single parent is an unfortunate status in life, majority have come to admire the strength and determination that have set them apart from the rest of society. But even then, they still go through the discrimination they have been careful avoiding in the first place. There's the knowing glances hospital staff exchange upon filling out the live birth certificates when the mother would have to respond with an "n/a" under father's name. There's the fuss and "discussion" whether or not to christen the child since there isn't a representing father right on the very day the mother and child are there with the godparents for christening. There are the understanding nods when something goes wrong in school and mom is brought in along with child for counseling. The whispers and speculations behind their backs. But that's alright. That's what they go through. They accept it and persevere through it and they've managed to prove them wrong. They arrived in battle with life's struggles unarmed and yet emerged victorious well-stocked with lessons learned. They've come this far to tell their story. This is their legacy.